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During those difficult months, I kept telling people that I wasn't cut out to be the parent of adult children. I felt my kids were facing disappointments and mistakes that I couldn't help them solve and pain they were unlikely to outgrow.

¦b¨º¨ÇÁ}Ãøªº´X­Ó¤ë¡A§Ú¤£°±¦a§i¶D¤H­Ì¡A§Ú¬O¤£¬O¾A¦X·í¦¨¦~¤l¤kªº¤÷¥À¡C§Úı±o§Úªº«Ä¤l­Ì­±Á{µÛ¥¢±æ©M¿ù»~¡A§Ú¤£¯àÀ°§U¥L­Ì¸Ñ¨M©Mµh­W¡A¥L­Ì¥¼¥²¯àªø¤j¡C

I longed for help. I thought of starting a support group for parents of adult children. At first I hesitated because I thought everyone else's kids were happily married, toiling away successfully at new jobs, working to do well in graduate school. Talking to others might just make me feel worse. Then I began to hear that others ¡X the butcher, my neighbor, my oldest friend ¡X were feeling a similar sense of anguish. Who knew? It was like staring at one of those three-d patterns in a drawing, which emerges when you hold the page at a certain distance. Suddenly I could see the uncertainty and worry that all the parents of grown children around me were feeling. Even so, I didn't start the group. Between my work, and the time spent Skyping and phoning my sons about their problems, who had time for a support group?

§Ú´÷±æ´M¨DÀ°§U¡C§Ú·Qµo°_¤@­Ó¤ä«ù¦¨¦~¤l¤kªº¤÷¥Àªº¤p²Õ¡C°_ªì§ÚµS¿Ý¤F¤@¤U¡A¦]¬°§Ú·Q¨ä¥L¤Hªº«Ä¤l­Ì©¯ºÖ¦aµ²¤F±B¡A¦b·sªº´N·~¾÷·|¸Ì¦¨¥\¦a¨¯¶Ô³Ò§@¡A°µ¦nŪ¬ã¨s¥Íªº½Ò·~¡C»P§O¤H¥æ½Í¥u¬OÅý§Ú·Pı§óÁV¿|¡CµM«á¡A§Ú¶}©lÅ¥¨ì¨ä¥L¤H-- ±O¤Ò¡A§Úªº¾F©~¡B§Úªº¦ÑªB¤Í¡v-- ·P¨ü¬Û¦üªºµh­W·Pı¡C½Öª¾¹D¡H³o´N¦n¹³¬O¨n¬Ý³o¨Ç 3-D¼Ò¦¡Ã¸¹Ï¡A·íºû«ù¸Ó­¶¦b¤@©wªº¶ZÂ÷®É·|¥X²{ 3-Dµe­±¤@¯ë¡C¬ðµM¶¡¡A§Ú¬Ý¨ìªº¤£½T©w©Ê©M©Ò¦³¦b§Ú¨­Ãäªø¤jªº«Ä¤lªº¤÷¥À³£·P¨ì¾á¤ß¡C§Y«K¦p¦¹¡A§Ú¤]¨S¦³±Ò°Ê¤ä«ù²Õ¡C¤¶©ó§Úªº¤u§@¥H¤Îªá¶Oªº®É¶¡¨Ï¥Î Skype ¥´¹q¸Üµ¹§Úªº¨à¤l°Q½×¥L­Ìªº°ÝÃD¤§¶¡¡A¥ô½ÖÁÙ·|¦³¦h¾lªº®É¶¡¨Ó±À®i¤ä«ù¤p²Õ©O¡I

Just when I thought I couldn't take one more moment of it, Jake surprised me. He was on the phone, describing a crisis in his graduate studies. As usual, my first response was a palpitating heart and sick stomach. A plan of action began to take shape in my head. I started explaining how he should respond to the terrible graduate adviser. I wanted to ask if he was taking notes on my good advice. But I didn't have a chance. He cut me off. ¡§Mom,¡¨ he said, ¡§when I tell you what's wrong, I don't want you to tell me how to fix it, and I don't want you to tell me it's not as bad as I think. I just want your sympathy.¡¨ I was stunned. Sympathy? That's all he wanted? I could do that.

´N¦b§Ú¦Û¥H¬°µLªk¨ú±o§ó¦h¾l¤ù¨èªº®É­Ô¡A³Ç§JÅý§Ú¦YÅå¡C¥L¦b¹q¸Ü¤¤¡A¥L´y­z¤F¨ú±o¾Ç¦ì¸ê®æ¤§¬ã¨s¤Wªº¤@­Ó¦M¾÷ÂI¡C¹³©¹±`¤@¼Ë¡A§Úªº²Ä¤@¤ÏÀ³¬OÊØÊפ£¦wªº¤ß©M½Åͪº­Gµh¡C¤@¶µ¦æ°Ê­p¹º¶}©l¦b§Úªº¸£®ü¤¤§Î¦¨¡C§Ú¶}©l¸ÑÄÀ¥LÀ³¸Ó¦p¦ó¥hÀ³¹ï¨º¥O¤H·q¬È¤SÄY­Vªº¬ã¨s«ü¾É±Ð±Â¡C§Ú·Q°Ý°Ý¥L¬O§_¹ï§Úªº¦n·N¨£°Oµ§°O¡C¦ý§Ú¨S¦³¾÷·|¡A¥L¥´Â_¤F§Úªº¸Ü¡A±µµÛ»¡¡G¡u¶ý¶ý¡A·í§Ú§i¶D§A¤°»ò¬O¿ùªº¡A§Ú¤£§Æ±æ§A¯à§i¶D§Ú¦p¦ó¸Ñ¨M¥¦¡A¦Ó§Ú¤£§Æ±æ§A§i¶D§Ú¡A³o¤£¬O§Ú©Ò·Qªº¨º¼ËÁV¿|¡C§Ú¥u¬O·Q§Aªº¦P±¡¡C¡v§ÚÅå§b¤F¡C¦P±¡¶Ü¡H³o´N¬O¥L·Q­nªº¶Ü¡H§Ú¯à°µ¨ì´N³o»ò¤@ÂIÂI¡I¡H

Last year I told my closest friend about the son whose romance was beginning to crumble: ¡§I don't know whether to hope he works it out with her, or ends it.¡¨ My friend, with two grown children of her own, looked at me calmly and said, ¡§Don't hope for anything.¡¨

¥h¦~¡A§Ú±N¨à¤l®öº©Åʱ¡¶}©l±Y¼ì¤§¨Æ¡A§i¶D§Ú³Ì­n¦nªºªB¤Í¡C§Ú»¡¡G¡u§Ú¤£ª¾¹D¸Ó´Á±æ¥L­Ì¦X¦n¦b¤@°_¡A©Î¬O´Á±æ¥L­Ì§@­Óµ²§ô¡C¡v §ÚªºªB¤Í¡A¥Î¦o¦Û¤vªº¨â­Ó¤w¦¨¦~ªº«Ä¤l¡A¥­ÀR¦a¬ÝµÛ§Ú»¡¡G¤£­n´Á±æ ¥ô¦ó¨Æ¡C

It's now one year after all the terribleness. My son's life is 100 times better than it was before all of his setbacks. He has a terrific new job, is seeing a lovely young woman, has bought himself a spiffy new truck, and just recently came in in the top group of an Ironman triathalon.His bounce is back. It turns out he's as resilient as rubber, and as strong as an ox, inside and out. For now, I¡¦m going to skip the support group. My new parenting plan is to buy a few books on Zen Buddhism.

¾ú¸g©Ò¦³¥i©Èªº¨Æ¤§¤@¦~«á¡A¦p¤µ§Ú¨à¤lªº¥Í©R¬¡¤O¬O100­¿³Ó©ó¥L¥H«eªº®À§é´Á¡C¥L¦³¤@­Ó¤F¤£°_ªº·sªº¤u§@¡A¬Ý¤W¤@­Ó¥i·Rªº¦~»´¤k¤l¡Aµ¹¦Û¤v¶R¤Fº}«Gªº·s¥d¨®¡A¥H¤Î³Ìªñ±Æ¤J¤T¶µÅK¤HÁɳ̰ª¤p²Õ¡C¥L¬¡«l«ì´_¦^¨Ó¤F¡C¨Æ¹êÃÒ©ú¥L±q¤º¨ì¥~¡A¦³¦p¾ó½¦¯ëªº¼u©Ê¡A±j§§¦p¤û¡C²{¦b¡A§Ú¥´ºâ©¿²¤¤ä«ù¤p²Õ¡C§Úªº·sªº¤l¤k¾i¨|­p¹º¬O¶R´X¥»¦³Ãö©óÁIªº®Ñ¨ÓŪ¤@Ū¡C

 









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